What’s my Why?

by Chase on August 21, 2012

Two entirely unrelated things happened today which leads me to bring you this post.

ONE I went to the Social Security Administration this morning and legally changed my name from my maiden name to my married name.  I did a little shuffleroo and when I was once upon a time Chase Frauenheim Jingleschmidt, I am now Chase Jingleschmidt Fluffingtons.  Those are not my real names, but the point is that I swapped my middle name out (bye!) and moved my maiden name to the middle spot.  I really struggled with this decision because my middle name was my mother’s family name, my last name was my father’s family name, and then of course Jeff’s family name.  A wise sage told me not to have 4 names because no application/form/document is ever designed for someone with 4 names, so I picked one to go.  Since I’m known as Chase Jingleschmidt professionally, I figured I would keep that as my middle name so the transition would be seamless.  The point of all this is that I actually changed my identity today.  {Overdramatized?  Probably.  Bear with me.}

TWO I read this post on JillFit.com,  Please take a moment to read the article (especially if you are currently in the throes of a fat-loss effort) but she talks about what’s the point of having a perfect body?  Does it make a difference when you’re just wandering around town, living your life? (spoiler alert, no)  So, then… what’s the reason why?  What difference does it make if I’m a size 6 or a size 4?

I encourage you to ask yourself, how does having the perfect body or getting in incredible shape serve me? (And please know that I am not saying it’s not a worthy goal, but understanding “the why” is incredibly important as it pertains to our personal happiness, sense of wellbeing and sustainability). Ask, “How does this goal and journey better myself, those around me and allow for me to follow my passion or feel fulfilled?”

With my newly minted identity as Chase Fluffingtons, I thought about how I am literally, a new version of myself.  August 21st (well, really June 23) is the day I went from Chase 1.0 to Chase 2.0 as my friend from high school so keenly put.

image

#NewAndImprovedButStillKickingAss

So these two items coincidentally occurring on the same day made me think.  I thought about what my “why” was when I started on this healthy living journey.  And I came up with this: to put ever so honestly, it was because I wanted to prove to myself that I was not the same chubby kid I used to be.  Although very happy, I was insecure and shy as a kid.  I largely grew out of it by time high school and college rolled around, but I still to this day have my moments of introversion.

fam(Scratching my eyebrow in a blue blouse as a 3 year old)

The funny thing was that I don’t think anybody really saw me that way. I had a lot of friends, and managed to make friends easily even when I started at a high school where I knew only a few other kids.  I always played sports and always had invitations to birthday parties.

Jane 1(Opening presents on my 10th birthday in 1990)

I wasn’t picked on for being pudgy, I wasn’t bullied and nobody ever called me names. (Well, except Brace Face Chase but I think that’s just because I was the first one in class to get braces… at the ripe old age of 8.  But, ha!  Jokes on you, because that meant I got them off before high school.)

Somehow, I had convinced myself that being pudgy was something worth being insecure about.  I’m sure it was learned from watching too many Jane Fonda videos or reading too many issues of Seventeen and YM, but it was there.  I don’t blame anyone.

wonder woman 2

 (Teaching BODYSTEP as a 30 year old)

I pursued becoming a fitness instructor because I felt that it carried a level of cachet that would prove to myself and to other people that I was fit and healthy, not chubby and lazy. If I’m leading the class I must be more fit and more healthy than everyone in the class, right?   I knew it all and I was in charge.  And if I ran marathons and did triathlons and proved to everyone that I was capable and strong, the insecurity would just magically disappear, right?

Hm.  There’s a lot of flaw in that logic.

The interesting thing in all of this is that my “Why” which got me started from so many moons ago when I began this healthy living journey is not the same as it is now.  Which also helps explain why I decided to break up with long distance running.  I no longer felt like I needed to prove myself by achieving these running accomplishments.  I do, however, know these things:

1   I am happier when I treat my body kindly.  This includes gym days and sleep-in days.
2   I am happier when I am able to engage in a variety of things, including but not just fitness pursuits.
3   I am happier when I am not overstretched to the point of breaking.
4   I am happier when I feel good in my clothes, which coincides with eating clean
5   I am happier when I feel energized, which coincides with sleep-in days, gym days, eating clean and saying no when necessary.
6   I am happier when I am doing things for others.

So maybe when I changed my identity this morning, I really did actually change my identity.  I’m not the pudgy kid trying to feel comfortable in her own skin.  My Healthy Living “Why”  is so I feeeeel my best.  Regardless of whether I’m a size 4 or a 6, or a 12.

#NewAndImprovedButStillKickingAss

Yeah.

 

P.S. I died laughing at this post.  Do you have a man like this in your life?